Since my last update I’ve gone through three rounds of chemo. Physically, they went something like this:
Round One (May 26-28): I felt like “this feels weird, but not totally awful.” I was able to function basically as normal – just took a couple naps.
Round Two (June 9-11): I felt like “hot garbage” for 48 hours and needed to take a bit of nausea medication and rest.
Round Three (June 23-25): I felt like “hot garbage forced to go on a bunch of carnival rides” and needed to take nausea medication on a strict regiment that also caused extreme fatigue.
Once I get unplugged from my 46-hour chemo pump I slowly start feeling better. I know the side effects present themselves in a wide range for everyone – and I know it could be better and it could be worse.
I have ONE more round (July 7-9) of chemo to go before the big scan in Houston and I’m hoping the treatment will prove to be significantly effective during that visit.
In other ways, I’ve been doing very well. I finally feel like the shock of it all has worn off to a point where it doesn’t feel like being splashed in the face with a bucket of ice water. I think I’m at the point – at least in this leg of the journey – where I feel acceptance. For the first bit it was like we were talking about another person. I’d think things like, “I feel so bad for this person, Amanda. We need to take care of her, etc.” It’s hard to explain, but it was just so unfathomable that we were talking about me.
Spiritually, I’ve been ruminating on Isaiah 61 – particularly verse 7:
“Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.”
I keep wondering, “What is this double portion?” If you have thoughts, I’d love to hear. So far, I’ve been thinking it could harken back to when Israel needed to gather a double portion of manna when they were wandering in the wilderness. There is also an interesting conversation between Elijah and Elisha that this could be referring back to. Whatever it means, I’ve been asking the LORD for it.
Thank you again for all your continued care, kindness and support during this wild ride. Love to each of you and may God give you a DOUBLE PORTION as well!
I’ve included a recording of one of my favorite songs “When the Cold Wind Blows” by Waterdeep. I hope you enjoy.
8 responses to “June 28th, 2022 (with a song)”
Your singing just warmed my heart, friend.
I still feel like we’re talking about a different Amanda sometimes. But mostly because you show so much inner fortitude and love so abundantly, even in this season- it just feels surreal.
Thanks for letting us love you, too. It’s such a gift being your friend and seeing Christ’s shine love through you and around you in all those around you.
Amanda,
Thanks so much for the update. I can hear your voice and appreciate your humor in your descriptions of how you felt after each stage of chemo.
Also – Waterdeep?! I loved them in college – when they did some things with 100 Portraits – but I haven’t heard this one. Thanks for sharing. We love you and are praying for you and your family.
Love,
Amy
So happy to hear from you. I check everyday and had not seen anything since June 3. Sounds like you’re doing pretty well. Hope your family is ok too. I remember well all the chemo, radition, and surgeries. My heart aches for you, Austin and your precious kiddos. You can do this, Amanda!
(Phil. 4:13) I pray for you daily and you are on the prayer list at church.
I’ll pray especially hard on July 7-9. God bless you and yours.
Love to you all, Aunt Bernita
Well, it seems as though God Himself is the ultimate portion talked about in Scripture, so if He is speaking to you about more and more and more of Himself, no greater or honestly overwhelming gift can be found. “Indeed the lines have fallen for (you) in pleasant places…for He will not abandon (you).” So thankful that we inherit these promises along with Jesus.
Been praying for you often. Love you.
Amanda- I know your cousin, Jenna Runyan. She is a dear friend and we are being updated about you and your journey; praying heavily for you.
Our family went through something very difficult about 7 years ago. At that time we had 5 children; two a sibling set older than the rest of our children. Due to some unforseen and unfortunate circumstances, we were unable to keep the girls in our home. We actually had to dissolve the adoption and our hearts were broken. We had always envisioned five children and we thought that surely in our obedience to adoption, the Lord would grant this. His ways are higher than ours, aren’t they?
We had dear friends pray over us after we dissolved the adoption and they heard in their prayer time that the Lord would return to us a double portion. We had no idea what that meant. Neither did they.
3 years later, after having sought fertility treatment in KC for our then 5 year old, we conceived naturally twins. Two more girls to give us 5 daughters.
Our twins could never replace what we lost and the trauma that came from the dissolved adoption, but the Lord helped heal our hearts by giving us a double portion. 😭
This was our double portion and what it meant to us.
I’m praying that He does indeed give you a double portion and that soon you would know what that means.
Part of grace for someone who is a giver is to accept care from others. Allowing others to do for you is a generous act. You are allowing their love and generosity to be expressed by them. Letting in others care is love too.
Continuing to pray. I appreciate the updates and your sense of humor through out all of this difficulty.
I just read through different scriptures on healing and suffering and this stuck out the most for your chemo treatments. The side effects and nausea sound so difficult to endure. The illness and anxiety surrounding that too sound like rough, rough waters. I love God’s promise that you will not be swept away. I picture the Lord holding your head above water. And then also shielding you from flames so you aren’t getting burned.
Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
You are one of the sweetest people I have met. I will be praying for you