November 6th, 2022 Update

Dearest friends and family, 

You are probably wondering how I’m doing and what all has happened since my last update. Since I last shared I have had two chemo treatments, celebrated turning 38 and had some other ups and downs. 

The sixth chemo treatment was terrible. This could have been due to my body not being at full capacity coming off surgery or perhaps it was getting over a cold. Nonetheless, it was awful. The following weekend I ended up with a high fever (thankfully I had a prescription given to me for such an occasion – because the body’s inability to fight infection is very common) that lasted about four days. It was never determined exactly what caused the spike in temperature but it did delay treatment that week and I now have a new treatment schedule. A couple good things about the delayed treatment was that I was able to celebrate my birthday with the family and attend Wyatt’s wonderful choir concert. I received my seventh treatment this past Monday through Wednesday (Oct. 31 – Nov 2) and my healthcare team made some adjustments to my dosage and it was way more manageable for my body (still some notable nausea but I could deal with that). My final two treatments will be Nov 14-16 and Nov 28-30. The other noteworthy dates are December 13-14 where I will head to Houston to have labs and scans done and then hopefully be scheduled for my next surgery (for the colon cancer removal and reverse colostomy). 

THOUGHTS ON TREATMENT AND LIFE: 

It is often so hard to describe what chemo is like so I’ll use the gift of literature to help paint the picture: 

In the fifth Harry Potter book, The Order of the Phoenix, there is a mysterious archway with a veil that is a gateway between the living and the dead. Whenever I am in treatment I feel like I’m stuck in “the veil” neither living nor dying but just existing. It has been a real test of what I believe about my beloved-ness. I wrestle with the question, “Am I still loveable and worthy if I can do nothing?” I believe that about other people: like fresh babies, or beloved family members who are advanced in age or even dear friends or family with disabilities. Their worthiness isn’t dependent on what they DO; it’s who they are that makes them worthy and loved and deserving of dignity and honor. It is an intrinsic part of the Christian worldview: every human is an “image-bearer” of God, therefore holding intrinsic value. 

God will use many things to remind us of His values, or His world. Lately I’ve been thinking about Fred Rogers’ song, “It’s You I Like”: 

It’s you I like,

It’s not the things you wear,

It’s not the way you do your hair,

But it’s you I like.

The way you are right now,

The way down deep inside you

Not the things that hide you,

Not your toys

They’re just beside you.

But it’s you I like,

Every part of you.

Your skin, your eyes, your feelings

Whether old or new

I hope that you’ll remember

Even when you’re feeling blue.

That it’s you I like,

It’s you yourself

It’s you.

It’s you I like. 

The lyrics are simple but they have felt so powerful. I can imagine my late Grandma Jarvis singing them to me. Reminding me that it’s enough that I’m just me. Not what I do. Just who I am. One thing this journey has made very clear is so many people are going through something. I’m not unique in having cancer. And even if the thing you’re going through isn’t cancer there are so many hardships that we are all walking through. I wish I could give each of you a big hug and remind you “that it’s you I like, it’s you yourself, it’s you. It’s you I like!” 

Thank you again for your love, your prayers, your words of encouragement and many more small and great acts of kindness you’ve shown me and my family along the way. 

With love, 

Amanda